Just the Typical Weirdness
by Pandemi
Summary: [From Tumblr: In the movie "Superman/Batman: Apocalypse", the Kryptonian language is Esperanto... but... Esperanto gibberish. Make of that what you will.] Just a little ficlet with the idea "Esperanto is Ye Olde Kryptonian"
1. Superman

**AN: I'm doing midterms right now, so it might be a little while before I can really continue with my ongoing fics, so have this thing I wrote a while ago to hold y'all over until then. **

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From Tumblr: The DannyPhantom-JusticeLeauge blog got an ask, and people started talking about it, which inspired me to write a little ficlet. It's not that good but I like it, so... enjoy.

**anonymous asked:**

**According to the movie "Superman/Batman: Apocalypse", the Kryptonian language is just Esperanto... but... Esperanto gibberish. Make of that what you will.**

"English"

_"Kryptonian/Esperanto"_

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**Just the Typical Weirdness**

The day hadn't started off too weird, just the normal amount of weird that one could expect while in a space station full of superheroes.

A portal opening up in the middle of the meeting room wasn't even the weirdest thing that happened that day.

That honor went to the white-haired teen that fell out of said portal.

Along with chunks of Kryptonite.

Superman instantly felt that. He doubled over while the rest of his team went into high alert. Hawk Woman and Martian Manhunter grabbed the unwitting intruder, while Wonder Woman tied him up with her lasso. The strangest thing about him was that he seemed to be reacting the same way as Superman. He didn't seem to really notice the people around him, as he was writhing around, trying to kick the Kryptonite away. Batman and Flash got lead-lined containers to shield the chunks of the radioactive green rock.

Both the white-haired teen and Superman gave a sigh of relief once all of the Kryptonite was safely put away.

Then, finally, the kid realized the situation that he was in, and tried to struggle away from the three heroes holding him, green eyes wide in confusion and fear. He was babbling in some incoherent language.

Superman and Flash tried to calm the kid down, but he didn't seem to understand anything that they said. Everyone turned to Green Lantern, who was able to translate any language in the known universe with his ring. He just looked confusedly at his ring, then back at the kid.

"I have no idea what he's saying," Green Lantern said as he took a step forward. "This shouldn't be possible, my ring can translate anything."

"Well what if he's not from around here?" Flash thought out loud. He shrugged at the looks that some of the others gave him. "I mean, we've dealt with other dimensions and universes before, right? What if he's from one of those?"

"That would make sense," Martian Manhunter said. The white-haired teen had calmed down enough to where he wasn't babbling anymore. Now he was just staring at the Leaguers.

"Superman," Batman spoke up. "Try speaking Kryptonian to him."

Superman raised an eyebrow. The Kryptonite did seem to work on him… it's possible that he would know Kryptonian, even if he didn't default to one of this universe's languages.

_"Umm, excuse me,"_ Superman started. The kid immediately looked up at him with a sort of recognition in his eyes. _"Do you speak Kryptonian?"_

The kid stared at him, brows furrowed, eyes darting from Superman to the other heroes and back to Superman.

_"Kryptonian? Nay sir. Though mayhaps if thee speaketh of Esperanto, then verily,"_ he said in a very old version of the language. _"However, the inflection that thy used is very much a challenge for mine own understanding. Might thee has't the ability to speak… uh, properly?"_

Superman blinked.

Green Lantern coughed, failing to cover up his chuckle.

_"I'll uh… I shall try?"_ Superman said uncertainly. The kid gave him a slightly irritated and still confused look. This was going to be harder than he thought. _"Uh, what is… thy name?"_

_"Thou mayest refer to me as Danny,"_ the white-haired teen replied. _"Art thou an apparition? Thou doth not appeareth as such."_

_"Apparition? Like a ghost?"_ Superman asked. _"Of course not, why would you think that?"_

Danny grimaced as Superman forgot to try to talk in old Kryptonian. The boy gestured to the lead-lined box of Kryptonite.

_"The visage of thee in pain was as crystal in mine eyes,"_ he explained. _"In the whole breadth of the knowledge that I hath gather'd whilst I roam, only apparitions art shaken as thee were by the Ecto-ranium."_

Superman quirked his head to one side as he processed what the kid was trying to say. He noticed the fact that in whatever universe that Danny had come from, Krypton was most likely extremely different from the one he knew about. And either this kid was implying that he was a ghost, or 'apparition' meant something else in his universe.

_"Umm, doth any of the good gentlepeople here has't the thought that 'tis time to loosen this lariat that binds me so?"_ Danny asked. _"I so-swear upon the core of my being that lays within my breast, that I shalt not doth harm thee nor thy people."_

Superman blinked again and raised an eyebrow. This was possibly the strangest day of his life.

_"Uh, yeah, sure"_ he said. Superman turned to Wonder Woman. "I think you can let him go, he said that he's not here to hurt anyone."

"What else did you find out?" Batman asked as the Amazonian untied the boy and allowed him to stand. "Who is he? Why is he here? How did he get here?"

"Well for one, he talks like Shakespeare," Green Lantern interjected.

"His name is Danny, and he implied that he was a ghost." Superman looked back at the kid who was now just blankly staring at each of the Leaguers as they spoke. "I think it most likely means something different where he's from." He turned back to Batman. "Other than that, he called his version of Kryptonian 'Esperanto,' and Kryptonite 'Ecto-ranium.'"

_"Pardon mine interruption, but alas, it would be very much agreeable if I was't to returneth back to mine own home, as swiftly as the winds of fate would allow,"_Danny cut in. _"Prithee, dost anyone hither possess the knowledge of how to maketh portals of an inter-dimensional nature?—"_

Before anyone could react to what the boy had said, a great tearing sound filled the room. The Justice League instantly tensed into their defensive stances, but Danny just turned around with a bright grin spread across his face.

_"I beg thee, worry not!"_ he said with glee. _"'tis only mine dearest companion cometh to retrieve me, Wulf!"_

Three claws appeared out of thin air and tore downward, creating a glowing portal that had a multitude of swirling shades and hues of green that spilled over one another as it pulsated in the air. Not a moment later, a large wolf head poked out through the opening, eyeing everyone in the room before finally falling on the white-haired teen. It smiled wide, showing long, sharp teeth.

_"Mine friend!"_ it called out in the same dialect that the boy had used. _"'tis the most wonderful of times to be seeing thee with mine own eyes! I had the most awful of displeasures to watch as thee hath fallen through that wretched portal accompanied by ecto-ranium! But now thou art hither, and we can returneth home!"_

_"Most true mine friend,"_ Danny turned to the Justice League. _"I pray that thee accept mine most humble of gratitude. Fair thee well!"_

With that, he stepped through the portal as the wolf's head disappeared in the mass of green. Before the portal closed, they could hear the teen's voice once more.

_"I dare to taketh the Ancients' name in vain, Wulf! The lone person that could speaketh anything similar to mine own tongue, has't the most crude way of articulation that I hath ever heard!—"_

The rest of the League just stood there, dumbfounded and confused about what had just happened.

"Well that was weird."


	2. Danny

Some people had asked for a chapter from Danny's PoV, and I am but a merciful ruler, so I delivered. …Albeit several months late, but y'all should expect that of me by now, unfortunately. :(

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"English"

_"Esperanto/Kryptonian"_

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**Just the Typical Weirdness, Part 2**

The day had started off pretty typical… well, as typical as one could expect in a town full of ghosts.

At first, Danny had been called away from his weekend gaming session with his friends to fight a couple of ectopuses, then the Box Ghost, then a _really_ short fight with Technus… but when he found Wulf trying to hide from a couple GIW agents, that's when it started to get a bit weird.

As per usual, the agents couldn't seem to hit anything with their blasters, blaming it on the _conniving villainy _of the_ evil ghost scum_ instead of their own incompetence.

Within a few minutes, he was able to destroy their weapons, grab Wulf, and start flying off to a place remote enough for the ghostly wolf-man to rip open a portal back home—

"You won't get away that easily, Phantom!"

One GIW agent pulled out a large bazooka that Danny had _sworn_ wasn't there before, and shot a chunk of ecto-ranium that was at least six inches across at them.

It shattered into multiple, still-sizeable pieces as it hit Danny, causing him to drop Wulf and plummet down to Earth—

When a new portal opened up, swallowing the falling Phantom along with the ecto-ranium, and closed just as abruptly as it had opened.

You know, just the typical luck, or un-luck, of Danny Phantom.

... ... ...

Danny came to an abrupt stop as he landed on a hard metal surface. He was only dimly aware of voices and people around him as he tried to kick away the awful green rocks that he had _way_ too much familiarity with for his tastes. Though he did notice another person on the floor with him, clutching his body as if in pain from the ecto-ranium as well.

But suddenly the pain was gone, and the only thing he could do was sigh in relief.

And then he realized that that was the _only_ thing he could do, because he was tied in some weird glowing rope surrounded by even weirder people in spandex, one of whom was _green_—

"Hey, come on you guys, why don't you just let me go, and I'll be on my merry way and—wow, this thing will just _not_ give—what is this? Who are you? Look, I didn't mean to bust into your ghostly lair, or wherever this is," he tried to reason as he struggled against the apparently ghost-proof rope, trying not to panic too much.

Two of the people not currently holding him—a large man in a blue suit with a red cape, the same man that was just on the floor, and a slightly smaller man in red and yellow—put up their hands and started speaking in calming voices, not that he understood anything they said. Being a ghost had a sort of universal-translator type of effect after a while, but these dudes where still speaking gibberish. Then, for some reason, they all looked expectantly at one of their companions, a black man with glowing green eyes in a green and black suit that held himself more rigidly than the others.

The man held his fist close to his face, looking at a rather bulky ring, then back to Danny, then back to the ring, as if the ring was supposed to do something. He said something to the others and shrugged.

The man in red piped up, apparently saying something that might help, because then everyone else looked thoughtful.

Danny just watched them, only a little on guard at what they might do, as they seemed to be just as confused as he was.

A scarier looking man in all black that Danny hadn't noticed before spoke up, and the one in blue raised an eyebrow before looking at Danny as if contemplating something. He stepped forward and knelt down beside him.

_"'Ey, ya talk Kryptonian?"_ the man asked in Esperanto, though in a very thick accent that Danny couldn't place. Usually, he was fine with accents, but this one made it sound like it was barely the same language. He scrunched his eyebrows, looking at the others before falling back on the man in blue in front of him.

_"Kryptonian? Uhh, no, but Esperanto, yeah,"_ he answered. _"But um, your accent is like, really thick, so you think you could… uh, enunciate more, or something?"_

Blue—that's what Danny decided to call the man—blinked in surprise while the other guy with the ring seemed to try to cover up a laugh. Maybe he could understand _Kryptonian_ as well.

_"Ah'll uh… I'll try?"_ Blue said uncertainly. _"Wat'cher… what's yer name?"_

_"Danny,"_ he replied, just as another thought raced through his mind. _"Hey, are you a ghost? 'Cause you don't look like one."_

_"Ghost? Ya mean a Spookums? Ain't none, why?" _

Danny tried not to laugh at Blue's word for ghost as he pointed to the box with the ecto-ranium.

_"Well, I saw that you were in pain, and as far as I know, only ghosts can feel the effects of ecto-ranium,"_ he explained. Blue quirked his head to one side for a moment, probably translating Danny's words into his own dialect. The ghost-boy squirmed a bit under the rope. _"Hey uh, do you think you could untie me now? I swear I'm not going to hurt anyone."_

_"Ah ye, sure,"_ Blue turned away and started talking to the rest of his team, while one of them, a tall woman with long black hair, untied him and returned the rope to her hip. Blue seemed to be conveying everything that they said to the others.

_"Sorry to interrupt, but I just kinda want to go home now? I'm in a bit of a hurry,"_ Danny cut in. _"Do any of you know how to make portals?—"_

A great tearing sound filled the room, and everyone save for Danny looked like they were expecting a fight. He quickly turned around and waved his hands.

_"No no, don't worry! It's only my friend Wulf! He found me!" _

Three claws appeared out of thin air and tore downward, creating one of Wulf's signature—or infamous, depending on what side of Walker's hat you're on—portals. He poked his head through and searched for Danny, no doubt having to have done this a few times before reaching this dimension. But once he saw him, the wolf-man smiled wide.

_"Friend! It's good to see you!"_ he said in his native tongue. _"It was horrible seeing you fall through that portal with the ecto-ranium! But now you're here, and we can go home!"_

_"Yes, finally!"_ Danny turned to the others. _"Well uh, thanks, for everything. Bye!"_

He quickly went through the portal with Wulf before anyone could change their minds about anything.

_"Holy Ancients, Wulf," _the ghost-boy complained._ "There was only like, one dude there that I could understand, and I could barely even do that—"_ the portal closed as they stepped back into their dimension. _"Probably 'cause it was a different universe and—"_

Danny froze in his tracks, whipped around to see that the portal had already closed, and grabbed his hair.

"Aww man! This is just _typical_! I go to a completely different _universe_ and don't even realize it until I'm already back!"

He slumped down as Wulf patted his back.

_"There, there, friend." _


	3. Kara

**Hey! I'm just going to make it so that all the ghosts speak Esperanto/Kryptonian by default, because I want to write this but I don't want to jump through hoops to explain why they're speaking like that. **

**Also, I'm not a classic lit major, or have taken any literature classes, really… this is just for fun because I was reading Shakespearean Star Wars and LoTR and wanted to write. I don't really care if I get any of the words wrong or mix centuries' vocabulary. **

Kara, who was born and raised in Kandor, is going to have a slightly different Kryptonian dialect than Clark, who learned from Jor-El, and hasn't spoken much to other Kryptonians.

(For those who don't know DC: _Kal = Clark Kent = Superman and Kara is Supergirl_)

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**Chapter 3: Kara **

Kal hadn't told her _per-se_ that he needed help, but Kara decided to help him anyway.

True, it _was_ the middle of the night, and she _did_ have school the next day, but that wasn't going to stop her from getting in on the action!

A couple of Parademons, Apokoliptian scouts, had made their way to Earth, and they couldn't allow the insectoids to just _leave_, so hence the fighting, and the Kara-shaped back-up. Kal had already damaged the demon's mother box, so there was no way they were leaving using _that_—

Oh. No one told her that broken mother boxes still _worked_! The Parademons growled and hissed in success as they got their portal operational. But they hesitated a moment, this boom tube looked different; it was green and purple while usually they were gold or red.

Kara took her chance during the distraction and charged one of the demons, despite Kal's shout of warning.

It might have been that the insects weren't as distracted as they seemed, or it could have been Kal's voice that brought them out of their heads, but they were ready for her in the split-second that it took Kara to close the gap. They grabbed her and, using her own momentum against her, flung the younger Kryptonian through the green boom tube before it fizzled out of existence.

_Not her best moment_, she thought as she now tumbled weightless through a never-ending mass of… something, somewhere.

She quickly used her flight to stop herself from spinning into the vast nothingness of green clouds and looked around, trying to find something, _anything_ that could tell her where that Rao-forsaken boom tube sent her!

"Good morrow fair lady, from whence has thine come?" came a voice from behind her.

She yelped and whirled around, almost punching the poor person who unwittingly snuck up on her, who had his hands raised placatingly. She could see now that he was just a boy, no older than herself, with white hair, a black and white jumpsuit, and eyes that glowed as green as Kryptonite.

"Good… night? Wait, what?" She might have gotten a concussion somehow during the fight, because she couldn't make any sense of the boy's words, even though they were her native language. Then, she belatedly realized—"Holy Rao, are you Kryptonian? Where have you been? Wait, where are we? I've never seen anything like this planet before…"

She trailed off when she saw the look on the boy's face, somewhere between awe and confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, rinsed, and repeated. Finally—

"A-Art thou speaking in writ… with thine own tongue?" he asked. So maybe she didn't have a concussion, and he's just like that? "Ah, mayest thou repeat thineself? Slowly, if it pleases thee?"

"Um… Are. You. Kryptonian?" Kara started to doubt, but recognition brightened the boy's face and he smiled at her.

"Ah Kryptonian! I hast delved into the deepest parts of my memories to gleam wherefore I knewest thine form! Thou art of the universe whence the odd man in blue, the one that shareth thine symbol, resides?"

It only took her a moment to parse what he had said.

"Yes! You know Kal!" She stopped and gasped, remembering where she heard a story like this before. She grinned wide. "You're the ghost kid! The one from another universe!"

His face contorted in restrained laughter, and he bowed.

"Thou art correct, I am a… ghost, and Kryptonian, I am not. Thou mayest refer to me as Danny. Alas! One of my dearest companions haveth the ability to manifest portals of the ether, the nature in which will deliver thee to familiar ground! Let us go thither to him."

They flew for a while; Kara introduced herself, Danny asked questions… a _lot_ of questions, and Kara did her best to answer. They both had multiple times where one of them had to reword something to make sense to the other, as some of the words they used didn't have the same meaning in both of their dialects, but all in all it was kind of fun. She was fascinated to hear that, despite his ancient language, his society was modern… in Earth standards, which was still more advanced than the last time Krypton used that language. He was extremely excited to hear that both she and Kal were part of a superhero team back in her universe. He had started saying something about villains when—

"_Daniel_," came a disdainful voice from not too far away. "Thou _wouldst_ make thine presence be hither."

A blueish-green man in a while suit and cape, black pointed hair, glowing red eyes, and _fangs_ came flying out of the clouds and halted a couple of meters away from the pair.

"Shalt thou speaketh of the Devil and to thou he shalt appear…" Danny muttered. "Wherefore hast thou come, Vlad?" he said louder. The man rolled his eyes and sneered.

"As surprising as it mayest be to one such as thineself, I have come to speaketh to thee not." He turned to face Kara. "Thou seemst to be of a reasonable disposition, girl; wouldest thy not rather have a trusted ally with the power of a raging inferno and the stature of a king? Galivanting around and playing pretend at chivalry with this _boy_ would suitest thy time not! I have sensed thy raw, but oh-most regretfully untrained power—"

"By the Ancients, wouldst thou cease?" Danny interrupted. "Thine voice is glass upon glass to mine ears!"

The man literally caught on fire. A dark pink fire. Danny didn't seem fazed. Huh, must be normal for him.

"Dost thou not have the sensibility to remainest silent in front of thine betters, _boy_?"

"I would, sir, but I havest not seen a single of mine betters neither hither nor thither!—"

Vlad's eyes flashed.

"So like, is he trying to recruit me?" Kara asked, trying to diffuse the situation, as much as she _would_ like a good fight. "He's a bad guy, right? One of your regulars, I'm guessing?"

The boy nodded, a hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Confused, she looked back at Vlad, and promptly started cackling, clutching at her stomach. The man's fire had gone out, only a small flame flickered in his hair between the points, and he was gaping like a fish. At long last, he turned to Danny.

"Doth the lady speaketh in writ? I understandest her speech not! Daniel, by the Nine Layers, what doth her words mean?"

"Ah, that, did thine clever ears catch? I understandest thy absolute befuddlement, sir; thou wouldst nev'r be able to comprehend the words of us, the young people, because thou art still brushing cobwebs from thine joints!" the boy said with mock innocence.

"Ha!" Kara laughed. "He just called you old."

Danny snickered at the man's continued impersonation of a guppy. Then suddenly, it seemed like Vlad decided to abandon both his confusion and his original mission, lighting his hands on fire and throwing a bolt at Danny. Kara swooped in front of her new friend and batted the thing away, keeping the surprise of how much it actually stung off of her face.

"Alright, this has gone far enough," she said, cracking her knuckles. "I've been itching to hit something, and you've just volunteered. Danny, this is your universe, you mind if I punch this guy into next week?"

"Nay, my lady, thee be welcome to punch him into any realm or time thine heart desires!" the boy smirked. "My only request be that thee movest thither so that I may have a proper view of the humiliation."

Kara grinned.

"Gladly."

Vlad snarled at the exchange but balked when she reared her arm back, and in an instant, her fist connected with the man's face. Time slowed for a moment before he was flying backwards, far away from the pair, with no regard to his free will.

Kara let out a short breath, like the sigh of one who was proud of a job well done, and flexed her punching hand and rotated her wrist. She turned back to Danny with a bright smile.

"So! You said that you've got a friend that can send me home?"

Danny just nodded with a look of admiration and awe on his face.

"Aye, Wulf supposedly shouldest be just over yonder, that is, if he hath not moved far from last we hath spoken. He, in most instances, doth not wander from his modest dwelling in the Forgotten Forest, away from the cruel eyes of the Warden from which he runs," he explained as they flew. "If he be yonder not, then mayhaps we couldest request of my Master Clockwork to sendest thee home, if he deems it should be so—Ah! Wulf is thither! Come!"

Kara didn't know what she was expecting, with a name like _Wulf_—actually, she _did_ have an idea; Kal had told her all about the time Danny had come into their own universe, and his friend Wulf came to his rescue… but she had thought Kal had been exaggerating! But this… man? Creature? Ghost? Danny had called himself a ghost, so maybe she should go with that. But this ghost was almost like a literal wolf standing on its hind legs, and even bent over the way he was, he was still larger than Lobo!—

"Lady Kara, we mayest be eft to deliver thee to thine home universe as swiftly as thee be prepared to, from us, depart!" Danny said, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Oh, good! …I think. Not that it hasn't been fun and all, but I would really like to go home as soon as possible," Kara took Danny's hand in hers and shook it, then did the same with Wulf's paw, with only a little bit more difficulty. "It's been great meeting both of you; and now _I_ have a story to tell Kal and the others! They're going to be so jealous!"

"Ah, verily Lady! Mine own cohorts wilt beest a ghastly green with their feelings of envy upon my regaling of our adventure!" Danny grinned. "And that thee did punch Vlad in his foul face, and they were hither not to witness it." He mimed punching the air in front of him.

They both laughed while Wulf came up to them and, just how Kal had described it, slashed open a portal with his claws. Kara stared at it a little hesitantly.

"Peace be with ye, and fair thee well, kind lady," Wulf gestured towards the glowing rip in reality.

"Here goes nothing…" She shrugged and walked forward.

* * *

"KARA!" Kal shouted and hugged her tight before she even knew where she was. He pulled back after a quick moment and looked her over. "Where were you? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need me to call the League?"

Her eyes brightened in excitement and mischief.

"Holy Rao, Kal, you will _not_ believe who I found…"


	4. Danny, again

**Hi, so I don't text much, and with autocorrect I usually just text in whole words anyway… so this is going to be more of a stereotypical 2010 text-speak, with a little bit of modernish internet-speak thrown in… so please enjoy. **

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**Chapter 4: Danny, again**

It was seven o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, and Danny was awake. Why? Ghosts, that's why. Can't they leave him _one_ day where he can just _sleep in_? Of course not. That's why he was in the Ghost Zone at _seven o'clock in the morning_.

Well, at least he was done now. If he could just make it back to his bed without anything happening, that would be—

A portal opened up about a dozen or so feet in front of him. A girl, who didn't look much older than him, and _certainly_ didn't look like a ghost, tumbled out as if she had been flung.

"Great…" he mumbled to himself as he decided to float over there as see what was up. She had stopped herself from spinning, but was now just glancing around looking lost and frustrated. He should go over there and help.

"Good morning, ma'am, where are you from?" That was probably a good start.

Startled, she yelped and spun around with a surprisingly well-aimed fist, but came just shy of actually hitting him. Okay, _don't_ accidentally sneak up on ladies wearing capes… good to know. Though that weird symbol on her shirt looked oddly familiar…

"G,,, n? w8 ? ?" she… said? How was she making those sounds? Did she say a literal _eight_? What was going on? "OMR, r u Kr? Whr u bn? Whr r we? Iv nvr seen anythng lk ths planet b4…"

"Are… are you speaking in text? With your mouth?" He took a breath and wondered if this day could get any weirder. "Can you repeat that? A little slower, if you could?"

",,, R U Kryptonian?" she asked again. Now that word, he _did_ recognize.

"Oh, _Kryptonain_! I was wondering why you looked familiar! You're from that universe with the other guy, the one with that same symbol!" Though now he wondered, even though they spoke the same language and knew each other, why they had such wildly different dialects? Maybe they're from different regions?

"Yas! U kno Kal!" She gasped and pointed a finger at him. "Ur _Spoopy BoiTM_! The 1 frm anthr univrs!"

Danny had to bite his lips to stop from just full-on laughing. His reputation proceeded him, even in other universes. When did his half-life get like this? He decided to take it in stride, and bowed.

"Sure am! I'm… spoopy," he giggled, "but not Kryptonian. I'm Danny, and—Oh! Right! One of my friends can make portals that can hopefully get you home! Come on, let's go!"

They flew for a while; the girl introduced herself as Kara, and Danny… well, he'd been saving up some questions from the last time he was in that universe and never asked any. Apparently, his universe's Esperanto was a version of her language that her people had used a couple thousand years ago… no wonder no one could understand what anyone else was saying! But he almost flipped his lid when she said that she and her cousin, Kal – the guy from before – were on a whole team of freaking _Superheroes_ in their universe! Danny was about to ask if their villains were any more annoying than his when—

"_Daniel_," a voice he _really_ didn't want to hear right now said. "Of course _you_ would be here."

"Speak of the devil…" Danny muttered. "Why are you here, Vlad?"

The man actually had the audacity to roll his eyes and sneer at him!

"As surprising as it must be, I'm not here for _you_." Instead, Vlad turned to Kara and put on the fakest friendly smile Danny had ever seen. "You seem like a reasonable young lady; wouldn't you rater have an ally with wealth and power? Running around and playing _hero_ with this boy would be a waste of your time when I have sensed your raw, but unfortunately untrained power—"

"Holy Ancients, can you just not?" Danny interrupted. "The sound of your voice is literally hurting my ears."

_That_ made him mad; Vlad burst into flames and leveled a searing glare at Danny. He just shot back with his best UnimpressedTM face.

"Do you not know when to stay silent in front of your betters, _boy_?"

"I would if I could _see_ any of my betters—"

Vlad's eyes flashed.

"So lk, he tryn 2 recruit me?" Kara asked suddenly, looking like she was trying to get in between them. Vlad's fire died as soon as she started speaking, as if a bucket of water had been dumped on his head. His look of fiery rage had been replaced with that of a gaping fish from said bucket. Danny was trying not to laugh when she continued. "Hes a baddie rt? 1 of ur regs, ye?"

He just nodded, laughing into his hand. This was the most fun he's had in a long time, and Vlad was definitely going to pay him back for it later, but right now it was totally worth it. Kara looked at him strange, then turned around to face Vlad and burst into a fit of cackles, tearing up and clutching her stomach.

"Is she speaking in text?" Vlad asked as soon as he recovered enough to form words. "I don't—Daniel, I don't text, what is she saying!?"

"Oh, you caught that, did you?" Danny said in poorly faked sympathy. "I totally get it, Vladdie, but you'd never be able to understand what us young people say because you're so far from that."

"lol, Boomer" Kara added.

Vlad just opened and closed his mouth a couple times before apparently coming to the decision to abandon his mission of recruiting Kara, and to just fight. He lit his hands on fire, and before Danny could dodge, Vlad threw a firebolt at him—

Luckily, Kara was there. And she has superspeed. Awesome. She swooped in and just batted the firebolt away from him without even blinking! Those things usually hurt!

"im so PO'd rn! :(" she said, cracking her knuckles. "OP u mind if I punch him n2 nxt wk?"

"No no, go ahead and punch!" Danny smirked. "Just move over. I wanna see this."

Kara grinned.

"k"

She reared her arm back, and it looked like Vlad was regretting his half-life choices when, in a fraction of a second, her fist connected with the man's face. It seemed to Danny like time slowed for a moment before Vlad was flung backwards, and before he knew it, the man was just a speck on the horizon. Kara turned back to Danny.

":) u sed uve a m8 tht cn send me home?"

He just nodded, looking at her with admiration and awe. She's so cool.

"Uh, yeah, Wulf should be just over there… if he _is_ still there," Danny explained as they flew. "He usually doesn't go very far from the Forgotten Forest, because of the stupid prison warden. But if he's _not_ there… then maybe we could talk to my mentor, Clockwork, to see if he could send you home, if, you know, he says it _should be_—Oh! Cool! Wulf's there! Come on!"

When they touched down, Kara just seemed to stare at Wulf in surprise. Guess they don't have beings like Wulf in her universe. She stayed like that long enough for Danny and Wulf to talk about how he was going to send her home. Apparently, Wulf remembered which universe it was, and how to get there.

"Hey Kara?" Danny asked. That seemed to pull her back to the present. "We should be good to send you home whenever you're ready."

"noice…? Its bn fun, bt I rly g2g asap" she shook both his and Wulf's hand and paw, respectively, with a bright smile on her face. "gr8 mtg u 2, now I cn tell kal n evr1! They gon b soo jelly!"

"Yeah! My friends are going to be so mad when I tell them about you, and that you punched Vlad in the face and they didn't get to see it!" Danny mimicked her punch to the air in front of him.

They both laughed while Wulf came up to them and slashed open a portal with his claws. She was so confident before, but now Kara looked hesitant. She probably doesn't have the best track record with mysterious portals, Danny can relate.

"Good luck and farewell, friend," Wulf gestured towards the tear. He wasn't supposed to keep them open for long, that's what got him arrested in the first place, so he was getting a little anxious.

Kara shrugged and walked forward.

"ttyl"

* * *

"You met _another_ person from that other universe?" Tucker cried in dismay. "And she spoke in _text_?! _I_ can speak in text!"

"One, it was text-speak in Esperanto; and two, no you can't!" Danny snickered at his friend.

"Have you seen Vlad since then?" Sam asked. Danny shrugged.

"No, I think he's scared that Kara might still be around."

"You know you're going to be in a world of hurt once he finds out she's gone."

"Yeah."

"…You're going to say it was worth it, aren't y—"

"But it was _totally_ worth it."

* * *

**I was tempted to introduce Kara as Dear, because in Esperanto, Kara means Dear... but I didn't, obviously... mainly because at least I pronounce them differently (CARE-ah vs KAH-rah and all that jazz)... **


	5. Technus

I swear this is going to be the last chapter!... maybe.

Anyway, this chapter isn't going to have a part 2. Just this one.

Translations will be at the bottom of the chapter! But maybe read it twice because it's still very funny (according to my sister) when you don't know what they're saying.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Technus **

He felt it come on suddenly.

_New Tech. New Tech! New Tech! NEW TECH!_ His mind screamed at him as he started flying in the direction of the feeling, through the vast openness of this uninhabited part of the Ghost Zone.

_What was it? Who built it? What could it do? Where did it come from? Why did it show up suddenly?_ Questions raced through his thoughts as he could only anticipate what it was. When he finally got close enough to see the new tech… he had some different questions.

It was in the shape of a humanoid, probably an android of some kind, wearing purple and silver metallic-looking clothes. Its skin was a pale green, unlike his own vivid green, and had three lights on its forehead in the shape of a triangle. It was just floating there, slowly moving its head around as if looking at the surroundings, though it was only purple sky and green clouds.

When he flew up to it, it focused on him and narrowed its eyes.

"GREETINGS! I AM TECHNUS! MASTER OF ALL TECHNOLOGY!" he greeted.

**"596F7572207370656563682069732063727564652C206275742073696D696C617220656E6F75676820746F206D79206F776E206C616E6775616765207468617420492077696C6C20666F726769766520796F7520666F7220796F7572207472616E736772657373696F6E2C"** it said. _(1)_

Technus blinked in surprise.

"WHAT TRANSGRESSION?" he screeched.

**"596F752077696C6C2066696E642074686174204920616D20746865206D6173746572206F6620616C6C20746563686E6F6C6F67792C"** it said. **"466F72204920616D20427261696E6961632E"** _(2)_

Technus scowled.

"WELL CAN YOU DO THIS?" He raised his hand and mimed slapping the android. Probably to its surprise, its own hand raised up and slapped itself in the face; not that Technus could tell what it was feeling, if it could feel, because its expression never changed, other than narrowing its eyes again with a slight frown.

**"486F772064696420796F7520646F20746861743F" **_(3)_

"I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS THE MASTER OF ALL TECHNOLOGY!" he said. "FOR I AM TECHNUS!"

**"596F75206861766520746865206162696C69747920746F20636F6E74726F6C20746563686E6F6C6F67792E" **_(4)_

"YES, THAT'S WHAT THE NAME IMPLIES." Technus rolled his eyes. "THAT'S KINDA-SORTA WHY I CHOSE IT. NOW STOP BEING RUDE AND ANSWER MY INVASIVE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE, WHAT YOU CAN DO, WHO BUILT YOU, WHERE YOU CAME FROM, WHY YOU'RE HERE AND DO YOU WANT TO BE MY SIDEKICK IN TAKING OVER THE WORLD?"

It was quiet for a moment, as if deciding if it was going to answer him at all.

**"596F75206861766520706971756564206D7920696E7465726573742C20546563686E75732C"** it said finally. **"4265207761726E65642074686174207468617420697320746865206F6E6C7920726561736F6E20776879204920616D206163717569657363696E6720746F20796F757220666F6C6C792E" **_(5)_

It folded its arms behind its back and Technus stuck out his tongue.

**"4920616D20427261696E6961632E204920686176652061207477656C6674682D6C6576656C20696E74656C6C6563742E204F74746F2042696E6465722E20497272656C6576616E742E20492063616D65207468726F756768206120706F7274616C2E20416E6420696620796F7520646F206E6F742073746172742073686F77696E672070726F706572207265737065637420746F2061207375706572696F72206265696E672C20492077696C6C20626520666F7263656420746F207465726D696E61746520796F752E" **_(6)_

"BIG TALK FOR A THING THAT JUST SLAPPED ITSELF IN THE FACE!" Technus scoffed. "_TWELVTH-LEVEL INTELLECT_; WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?"

**"4974206D65616E7320746861742049206861766520616C726561647920646576697365642066696674792D666F75722077617973206F66207465726D696E6174696E6720796F7520696E20756E6465722074656E207365636F6E647320616E6420616E6F746865722074776F2D68756E6472656420616E642073697874792D656967687420696E20756E646572207468697274792E" **_(7)_

It was Technus's turn to narrow his eyes at the android.

"YOU'VE GOT SPUNK, KID!" he said, suddenly grinning. "SO: TAKING OVER THE WORLD. YOU IN OR OUT?"

It raised one of its eyebrows, supposedly.

**"496E746572657374696E672E204920616D20E28098696E2EE28099" **_(8)_

"WONDERFUL!"

* * *

Danny raced across the Ghost Zone with two very anxious Kryptonians tailing behind him.

Wulf had come to him in a panic, telling him about how another extra-dimensional portal popped up—Danny needs to see Clockwork about that, this is getting out of hand—and something came through! A big robot man in purple with lights on his head. Wulf had been adamant that he had a really bad feeling about the thing, so Danny went to see Kal and Kara. They looked very worried after the description, and insisted that they both come along to help Danny get rid of him.

They flew into one of the uninhabited parts of the Ghost Zone, where their radar indicated the direction of the intruder.

When they got close enough to see who it was, Danny was unpleasantly surprised that someone else had beaten them to it. And it was Technus. Of course Technus would be the first one on the scene of an extra-dimensional, possibly-evil-based-on-the-reactions-of-the-Kryptonians robot man!

When they got close enough to hear them… Danny had some different questions.

**"0100001001010101010101000010000001001101010110010010000001010000010011000100000101001110001000000100100101010011001000000101000001000101010100100100011001000101010000110101010000100001"** Technus shouted… in binary. _(9)_

**"596F757220706C616E206973206661722066726F6D20706572666563742C2069742069732070726163746963616C6C79206964696F7469632C"** the robot man said in… well, Danny didn't know what that was, but it wasn't binary, and it wasn't any other language he knew, or even sort-of knew. _(10)_

**"0101100101001111010101011110001010000000100110010101001001000101001000000101000001010010010000010100001101010100010010010100001101000001010011000100110001011001001000000100100101000100010010010100111101010100010010010100001100100001"** Technus looked like he was getting frustrated. **"01000100010011110100111011100010100000001001100101010100001000000100110101000001010010110100010100100000010011010100010100100000010011010100000101001011010001010010000001011001010011110101010100100000010100110100110001000001010100000010000001011001010011110101010100100000010000010100011101000001010010010100111000100001" **_(11)_

The robot frowned and narrowed its eyes at him, then suddenly looked up and over to Danny and company.

**"4B616C2D456C2C204B617261205A6F722D456C2C2049206D757374207361792074686174204920616D20717569746520706C656173656420746F2073656520796F752C"** it said. _(12)_

"y r u here Brainiac?" Kara asked, with a surprising amount of anger in her voice. "wat r u plotting?"

"Yer commin wit us," Kal demanded.

They seemed to understand what the robot—Brainiac?—said; which was great for them, but Danny was still lost.

**"010011100100111100100001001000000101100101001111010101011110001010000000100110010101001001000101001000000100110101011001001000000100111001000101010101110010000001001101010101010101001101000011010011000100010100100001"** Technus shouted. _(13)_

**"492073757272656E6465722C204B616C2D456C2E20492077696C6C206E6F742070757420757020612066696768742E"** Brainiac stuck out his wrists, as if surrendering. **"4A7573742074616B65206D6520617761792066726F6D20746869732061636375727365642064696D656E73696F6E2E" **_(14)_

",,, k,,," Kara warily approached the robot, and stuck some bulky, cyber-tech-looking handcuffs on him.

**"0101011101001000010000010101010000100000010000010101001001000101001000000101100101001111010101010010000001000100010011110100100101001110010001110011111100111111"** Technus screeched. _(15)_

**"4920616D206C656176696E672C20492074686F7567687420796F752068656172642C" **Brainiac said and floated quietly at Kara's side while she looked very uncomfortable being that close to him. _(16)_

**"01000010010101010101010000100000010101110100010111100010100000001001010001001110010011110100111101001111010011110100111100100001"** Technus screamed as Danny pulled him into the thermos he brought with him. _(17)_

Kal looked around awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, ya be thinkin we should skedaddle?"

"ye" Kara shrugged.

**"5468617420776F756C642062652070726566657261626C652E" **_(18)_

Danny sighed. He really needed to see Clockwork about that portal problem.

"I'll get Wulf."

* * *

**AN 1:** Brainiac spoke in Hexadecimal, btw. I was going to have it in binary… but ya'll would have just been scrolling thru half the page just to get to the next sentence…

**Translations: **

**(1):** "Your speech is crude, but similar enough to my own language that I will forgive you for your transgression," it said.

**(2):** "You will find that I am the master of all technology," it said. "For I am Brainiac."

**(3):** "How did you do that?"

**(4):** "You have the ability to control technology."

**(5):** "You have piqued my interest, Technus," it said finally. "Be warned that that is the only reason why I am acquiescing to your folly."

**(6):** "I am Brainiac. I have a twelfth-level intellect. Otto Binder. Irrelevant. I came through a portal. And if you do not start showing proper respect to a superior being, I will be forced to terminate you."

**(7):** "It means that I have already devised fifty-four ways of terminating you in under ten seconds and another two-hundred and sixty-eight in under thirty."

**(8):** "Interesting. I am 'in.'"

**(9):** "BUT MY PLAN IS PERFECT!" Technus shouted.

**(10):** "Your plan is far from perfect, it is practically idiotic," the robot man said.

**(11):** "YOU'RE PRACTICALLY IDIOTIC!" Technus looked like he was getting frustrated. "DON'T MAKE ME MAKE YOU SLAP YOU AGAIN!"

**(12):** "Kal-El, Kara Zor-El, I must say that I am quite pleased to see you," it said.

**(13):** "NO! YOU'RE MY NEW MUSCLE!" Technus shouted.

**(14):** "I surrender, Kal-El. I will not put up a fight." Brainiac stuck out his wrists, as if surrendering. "Just take me away from this accursed dimension."

**(15):** "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Technus screeched.

**(16):** "I am leaving, I thought you heard," Brainiac said.

**(17):** "BUT WE—NOOOOO!" Technus screamed.

**(18):** "That would be preferable."


End file.
